23. Vegetarian. Music Junkie.
Student at MIB Dauphine - Finance & Communication at Sanofi
>> Proud manager of Crown Cardinals <<
Twitter & Instagram : @yngblds
My plalist these days :
Norma Jean - Deathbed Atheist
Northlane - Masquerade
Shakira - Empire
UnderOath - In Division
Crown Cardinals - Ignorance
José Gonzalez - Stay Alive
Ben Howard - Black Flies
Ben Howard - Keep Your Head Up
Die Antwoord - Baby’s On Fire
Gesaffelstein - Hellifornia
Queens Of The Stone Age - Smooth Sailing
The Chariot - Abandon
Now I saw a friend of mine, the other day,
And he told me that my eyes were gleamin’.
Oh I said I’d been away, and he knew…
Oh he knew the depths I was meanin’.
And it felt so good to see his face,
All the comfort invested in my soul,
Oh to feel the warmth, of his smile,
When he said, ‘I’m happy to have you home.’
Oh oh-oh, I’m happy to have you home.
Listen to: Last Day of Winter by Pelican
After sundown, before sleeping, I am the worst of me, I am a mess of these old themes, and the murmur of half-dreams whisper seductively and stage scenes.
It’s fear fiction, these visions, caught somewhere between delusion and prophesy: what I haven’t done, what I’ve wanted to, and what I fear you have becomes reality here.
Bright lights in the young night keep to the beat, a classic party scene, crowded and interesting. No love, no life, no history, just touch, just chemistry, just a roaring undercurrent simple and sensory.
Young bodies, warm skin, perfect symmetry and it’s a moment, harmless. It’s energy. It’s like medicine, it’s self-discovery.
All these secrets I keep, why are they secrets?
It’s only temporary, that fleeting feeling of warmth, just a flash before the line gets blurry, between a longing for more than what the body wants now and what the body wants now more than anything.
Was it integrity that kept my hands to myself or just the thought of getting too far ahead of you?
Was it that I got too tired of the consequence?
Or was I just scared?
I only know I never wanted to get left behind.
No pauses, not a second guess.
First a swaying then a stumble then a swagger. They’re just movements towards feeling. It doesn’t matter
Neither hesitates to carry on a kind of energy, sweat and block out everything to find every aperture and compel the animal parts.
Fan flames, taste fruit, taste bitter fruit.
Just trying to learn how all the wires in the body work.
Just trying to feel it out, it’s like medicine.
Trap the healing in whatever bed they end up in.
I want to feel it out. I want to know how it works, I want to know if it was worth it to worry about the ghosts I feared would haunt the memory, about the damage that I’m sure the fear has done to me now.
I want to know what it is in me that won’t follow through, those nights the instinct takes a hold of me and pushes too.
Maybe it’s only that I’ve never gotten over you.
Or am I still scared?
I see the church steps, a vision. Is there fiction in this one too?
It’s true, I’ve made a tale of it here, still, it’s a little unclear who’s been haunting who.
And time can be such a funny thing, always moving to the future, glorifying the past and amplifying the pain in frames and glass.
So was our touch half as sacred as I’ve made it seem, or just another fabrication of a half-dream? Just those chemicals, the adolescent love, just us trying to grasp onto meaning, onto a purpose, onto a sense that something spiritual releases when the feeling hits.
And when the feeling hits.
And in that moment sparks and harps play out a sweeping melody through fog and fantasy, and in that moment there’s an honesty, instinctive and pure, but it departs like it came, rapid and bearing no more than fleeting ecstasy of natural harmony.
They fear the notes being played and try to sing along.
Don’t be ashamed, be free to the feeling.
Don’t be ashamed, keep feeling.
But find it: a body that makes sense.
I’ve felt it.
Amidst the weirdness and unpredictability of my own mind and deeds, as well as the world around us, you stood by my side when others left behind them the bitter taste of abandon. (But was it abandon? I still haven’t found the strength to forgive but I start to wonder.) YOU were there and though we fought and yelled and raged, we always managed to move forward.
You are the brothers I never had and the sons I will never bear.
I am and will remain forever grateful of the times we shared, the silly shit we’ve done. You all gave me more than you will ever know and though I know I was a part of this, I only whish I could give you even more than I did. You made me move on, build a life and grow into a better person. So before it all turns to shit, it is better to say goodbye as we are stronger than we ever were. June 15th.
And when we follow our separate ways, I will never forget.
But until then, we will show the world what we are made of.